这是你第一次心理治疗吗 Is this your first time in therapy?
是 Yes.
我注意到你穿了很多盔甲来参加疗程 I noticed you wore a lot of armor to our session.
-那怎么了 -我很好奇 - So what? - I'm curious
是不是你内心深处感觉自己需要保护 if part of you feels like you need protection,
就好像你的一部分 like there's something about you that is,
在某种意义上 是脆弱的 in some ways, vulnerable.
好了 这真是浪费时间 Okay, well, this has been a waste of time.
你做得够好了 You are enough.
你说什么 What did you say to me?
你 做得 够好了 You...are...enough.
你一直相当 相当勇敢 You're being very, very brave.
给 Here.
好样的 伊森 Great work, Ethan.
奇迹缔造者：黑暗时代 第七集
真是等了够久的 Wow, that was one heck of a wait,
不过我的花园终于准备好了 but, ha, my garden's finally ready.
我等不及去采集那些蔬菜了 I can't wait to pick those veggies.
你今年种了什么 爸爸 What did you grow this year, Dad?
什么都有 西红柿 甜菜 胡萝卜 黄瓜 Oh, everything -- tomatoes, beets, carrots, cucumbers.
-我的天 -爸 看看你的花园 - Oh, my God. - Dad, look at your garden!
哦不 Oh, no!
谁会干出这种事 Who would do something like this?
一只皇家山羊 A royal goat.
不是吧 Come on!
我这忙了一整年 汗流浃背 I work hard all year, busting my back
想要弄点食物上桌 to try and put food on the table,
而一只皇家山羊一眨眼就全毁了 and a royal goat takes it away in the blink of an eye!
现在我们都要饿死了 And now we're all gonna starve to death!
好吧 Oh, well.
也没别的办法了 Nothing we can do about it.
爸爸 不行 王室应该为此负责 Dad, no. The Crown should be held liable
赔给你钱和新种子 and give you money for new seeds.
把王室告上法庭吗 Take the Crown to court?
我说不好 亲爱的 I don't know, sweetie, uh,
或许我们不该惹事 maybe we shouldn't ruffle any feathers.
是啊 小艾 光滑的鸟儿飞得好 Yeah, Al. A smooth bird flies better.
不 我受够了王室总是欺负我们 No, I'm tired of the Crown always screwing us over.
我说我们挺起腰板反抗一番 I say we stand up for ourselves and we fight this thing.
*布丁侠 布丁侠* *Pudding man, pudding man*
*我是小小布丁侠* *I'm a little pudding man*
*布丁侠 布丁侠* *Pudding man, pudding man*
*我是小小布丁...* *I'm a little pudding...*
父王 真对不起 Father, I'm so sorry.
求你 请让鞭打不要持续太久 Please, just make the thrashing swift.
没事的 儿子 It's okay, son.
没关系 No problem.
你想出去走走吗 Would you like to go for a walk?
爸爸 你...你没事吧 Dad, uh, are you -- are you quite well?
你今天看起来有些不同 You do -- You do seem a little different today.
我感觉也不同 I feel different.
在做心理疗程 倒是真帮助我 Been doing therapy, and, uh, it's really helping me
找到了伤痛的根源 find the roots to my core hurts.
而且 我的治疗师开了个药 Also, my therapist prescribed me a potion
让我感觉有些平静 that's got me low-key kinda faded.
父王 我... Oh, oh, father, I...
我觉得您能寻求帮助真是太棒了 think it's absolutely wonderful that you're asking for help.
儿子 很抱歉花了这么长时间 Son, I'm sorry it's taken me so long.
我想弥补之前错过的种种 I want to make up for lost time.
你觉得 你我摒弃前嫌 What do you say you and me put the past behind us
重新开始如何 and start afresh?
我很乐意 父王 I-I-I would love that, Dad.
抱歉 本能反应 Sorry. Reflex.
完全理解 罗马不是一夜建成的 Ah, totally understandable. Growth doesn't happen overnight.
谢谢 Thank you.
来吧 Come on.
我们来重温亲情吧 Let's do bonding.
你确定起诉合适吗 亲爱的 You sure this lawsuit's a good idea, sweetie?
当然 王室完蛋了 Oh, yeah. The Crown is going down.
等不及开始了 Ah, I just can't wait to get started.
韦克斯勒勋爵 代表王室 Ditto. Lord Vexler, representing the Crown.
哇 你看起来太[哔]性感了 Wowzers. You look hot!
爸 Dad.
亚历桑德拉 得让他知道 Alexandra, he needs to know.
为什么要把这只山羊带过来 Why'd you bring the goat?
这是我的委托人 饕餮 This is my client, Gobbler.
你说什么 I'm sorry. What?
不 我们是要起诉王室 不是山羊 No, we're suing the Crown, not the goat.
不是王室吃了你家花园 The Crown didn't allegedly eat your garden.
你起诉的是饕餮 而且我的山羊是无辜的 Your issue is with Gobbler, and my goat client is innocent.
他只是想激怒我们 不过不要担心 He's just trying to get under our skin, but don't worry.
公正的陪审团会站在我们这边的 An unbiased jury will side with us.
搞什么 What the hell?
韦克斯勒 你是请了一圈牧羊人做评审团吗 Vexler, did you stack the jury with goat herders?!
这不公平 他们都爱山羊 That's not fair! They love goats!
真不幸 我是个小坏律师 Oopsie. I'm a bad wittle lawyer.
马克思法官 你这个老胖子 Judge Marks, you old bag of balloons!
韦克斯勒勋爵 Lord Vexler!
我的委托人给你的一点小心意 A little gift... from my client.
羊奶
真好喝 Yummy!
看上去法官和陪审团都很喜欢山羊 Looks like a pretty goat-friendly judge and jury.
不过我相信你 亲爱的 But I trust ya, sweetie.
麦克 吃了花园的那只山羊 Mikey, is the goat who ate the garden
此刻在庭上吗 in this courtroom now?
在 Yes.
你能指出它吗 Can you point out him or her?
不是吧 Oh, come on.
请记录下麦克指认了饕餮 Let the record show that Mikey pointed to Gobbler.
根据这位目击证人的证词 Between this eyewitness testimony
和倾向于我们的司法证据 and the preponderance of forensic evidence,
你只能认罪了 you have no choice but to convict.
我问完了 法官阁下 No further questions, Your Honor.
真有教育意义 Wow, that was educational.
如果我说 "谢谢你让我打了个盹" I think I speak for everyone when I say,
想必大家都会有同感吧 "Thanks for the nap, Alexandra."
打盹 Nap!
接下来该我了 I'll take it from here.
麦克 你觉得山羊是种顽固的动物吗 Michael, would you consider goats to be stubborn animals?
算是吧 I mean, yeah.
这就是山羊的特点 对吗 That's kind of their thing, right?
那么你认为所有的羊都很倔 Oh, so you think all goats are stubborn?
我听着很像是典型的山羊歧视 Sounds like pretty classic anti-goat bias to me.
山羊 山羊 山羊 山羊 Goats. Goats. Goats. Goats. Goats. Goats.
我代表饕餮羊希望提出一项动议 On behalf of Gobbler the goat, I would like to enter a motion
反诉其诽谤 to countersue for defamation.
动议批准 Motion approved.
-什么 -铲屎官先生 - What?! - Mr. Shitshoveler,
诽谤罪的刑罚是...死刑 the penalty for defamation... is death.
如果这官司我们输了 我爸就会被处死 So, if we lose this trial, my dad will be killed?
是这样 That's correct.
具体来说 他会被喂给被告吃 Specifically, he will be fed to the defendant.
这太不公平了 This is totally unfair.
如果威克斯勒不遵守规则 I mean, how are we supposed to win
那我们怎么可能赢呢 if Vexler won't play by the rules?
也许我们还是可以去找公共辩护律师 Maybe we can still go with the public defender.
我有更好的主意 I've got a better idea.
这是大海还是天空 Is this sea or sky?
是天空吧 我想 Ooh, that's a bit of sky, I think.
我应把它放到这个区域里 I shall put it in this area.
这里应该是天空的区域 This shall be the sky area.
好主意 Good idea.
我应该是找到了一个角上的 I think I've found a corner piece.
太好了 Oh, wonderful!
它们可是拼图中的关键 They are the key in a puzzle.
父王 我们稍后再继续 Oh, Father, would you mind if we take a brief respite
我们的拼图派对行吗 from our puzzle party?
没问题 我会一直在这 儿子 Not at all. I'll be right here, son.
听起来你爸爸确实受到了 It does sound like your father's been given
很粗暴的待遇 some rather rough treatment.
-有什么我能帮忙的吗 -有 - I-Is there anything I can do to help? - Yes.
我在想也许你可以请求你的父王 I was thinking maybe you could ask your dad
去法庭强制进行公平的审判 to come down to the courthouse and enforce a fair trial?
正常情况下 我什么事都不敢去求我的父王 Well, normally, I would be terrified to ask my father anything,
但今早开始我们的关系变得很亲密 but we've become quite close as of this morning,
-所以我就去试试 -谢谢 - so I'll give it a whirl. - Thank you! Thank you!
请你赶快 因为我不知道 Okay, well, please hurry because I don't know
-我们在那还能撑多久 -好 - how long ?we're gonna last in there. - Okay.
我错过了什么 What did I miss?
说实话 太厉害了 Honestly, it's been amazing.
韦克斯勒勋爵彻底打垮了麦克 Lord Vexler totally broke Mikey down.
我已经不知道什么是真的了 I don't know what's real anymore.
我全乱了 I'm so mixed up.
干得漂亮 Mwah! Bellissimo!
大小伙子 Hey, big guy!
父王 我想您是否能帮我个小忙 Father, I was wondering if you might do me a small favor.
当然了儿子 什么事 Of course, son. What is it?
您能去法庭一下吗 Would you mind popping down to the courthouse very quickly?
我们的司法体系 It turns out our judicial system
看来可能不是特别公正 might be a little less than fair.
你是说... Are you saying...
我的律法有问题吗 there's a problem with my laws?
算了 爸爸 太平无事 Nevermind, Papa. All is well.
好吧 那就好 Oh, okay. Cool.
法官大人 我希望展示... Your Honor, I would like to introduce...
来得正好 国王呢 Perfect timing. Where's the king?
现在的情况类似于"好消息坏消息" Uh, so, yes, bit of a good news/bad news situation.
坏消息是我父王不会来了 Bad news is my dad's not coming.
好消息是我们的父子关系 Good news is our father-son relationship
仍然进展顺利 is still progressing quite nicely.
那你问他时他是怎么回答的 Well, what did he say when you asked him?
说句公道话 其实我没问他 Well, to be fair? I didn't actually ask him.
我差不多要问他了 但我有强烈的预感 I sort of started to ask him, but then I got a very strong vibe
他会拒绝 所以我就没问 it was gonna be a no, so I just didn't.
你居然连问都没问 You didn't even ask him?!
小亚 他最近心情特别好 Al, he's been in such a good mood lately.
-我不想惹恼他 -所以不惹恼你爸爸 - I didn't want to annoy him. - So, not annoying your dad
比救我爸爸还重要吗 is more important than saving mine?
什么 不 小亚 拜托 What? No. Al, come on.
注意了 注意了 我是本城公告员 Hear ye, hear ye! I'm the town crier!
所谓的"世纪审判"的第二天 And it's the end of day two of what's being called
已经快要结束了 "The Trial of the Century."
明天就是结案陈词了 Closing arguments are tomorrow,
但是形势看来对艾迪不妙 but it's not looking good for Eddie,
正如这幅法庭素描所描绘的 as depicted here in this courtroom sketch.
我有罪
韦克斯勒勋爵 对今天的庭审有什么点评吗 Lord Vexler, any comments on today's proceedings?
有 谢谢 Yes, thank you.
今天的庭审揭露出了一些残酷的事实 Some hard truths came to light in there today,
但总的来说 我们相信 but all in all, we're confident
明天 正义终将获胜 that tomorrow, justice will prevail.
我还想告诉大家 我的当事人写了一本名为 I also want to let everyone know that my client's written a book
《如果我吃了它》的书正在出售 for sale entitled "If I Ate It,"
如果我吃了它
所有书店都可以买到 now available wherever books are sold.
你得给我念念那本书 You got to read me that book.
父王 我能问你件事吗 Father, do you mind if I ask you something?
我最近认识了一位年轻姑娘 There's a-a young woman that I've come to know recently,
事实是 我发现自己对她很着迷 and the truth is, I find myself quite dazzled by her.
但最近 我恐怕干了些蠢事 But recently, I-I fear I may have done something stupid
毁掉了我们进一步发展的机会 that has ruined any chance we have of growing closer.
我想问问您有什么建议 I-I was wondering if you had any advice.
你应该杀了她 You should murder her.
父王 您什么时候回去做心理治疗 Dad, when are you going back to therapy?
再也不去了 我把治疗师的小屋烧了 Never. I burnt down my therapist's hut
因为我意识到她收了我一个小时的钱 when I realized that she was charging me for a full hour
而我明明只在那里待了50分钟 and I had only been there for 50 minutes.
那算什么 I mean, what's that?
所以 您... So, you're, um -- You're --
您又变回了原来的样子 You're back to being how you've always been, then?
对 我不会再成长或改变了 Yep. I'll never grow or change.
改变意味着脆弱偷偷爬进了身体 Change is weakness creeping into the body.
总之 我又不是病了什么的 Anyway, it's not like I'm sick.
卡贡诺国王 我很抱歉地通知您 King Cragnoor, sire, I'm sorry to inform you
我们的酒浸樱桃已经吃完了 we've run out of Maraschino cherries.
怎么样了 宝贝 How's it coming, sweetheart?
我在努力想能说服陪审团的说辞 I'm trying to figure out something that'll sway the jury,
但想不出来 but it's not going great.
你不会正好有个秘密的双胞胎兄弟 You wouldn't happen to have a secret twin
可以帮我们背锅吧 we could blame this all on, do you?
我有 但跟我不亲近 I do, but not one that I'm close with.
对不起 我把我们害成了这样 爸爸 I'm sorry I got us into this, Dad.
我真傻 自以为可以改变这一切 I was an idiot for thinking I could change things.
没事 亲爱的 Oh, it's okay, sweetie.
你知道我到死也会为你骄傲 You know I'll be proud of you until my dying breath,
也就是明天 which is tomorrow.
你有何贵干 What do you want?
听着 我对之前的事很抱歉 Look, I'm so sorry I let you down earlier.
小亚 我太蠢了 Al, it was... very stupid of me.
我想帮忙 所以 And I want to try and help. So
虽然是绵薄之力 但我打劫了皇家图书馆 it isn't much, but I-I raided the royal library.
想着也许里面有书能帮到你 Thought there might be something in here that can help your case.
这简直太棒了 What, this is -- this is amazing.
谢谢 查斯利 真心的 Thank you. Chauncley, seriously.
不用 举手之劳 Oh, no, it's the least I can do.
总之 我不打扰你看了 Anyway, I'll, uh, leave you to it.
等等 Wait.
你想留下 帮我一起看这些吗 Would you want to stay and help me read through some of these?
我很乐意 I-I'd love to.
查斯利 查斯利 你看 Chauncley. Chauncley, look.
综上所述 In closing,
这次庭审成为了我这辈子 this trial has been the most disturbing experience
最恼人的经历 of my entire life.
是真的 孩子们 怪物是真的 It's true, kids. Monsters are real.
所以我恳请大家 请判艾迪·墨菲铲屎官 So I beg of you, find Eddie Murphy Shitshoveler
所有罪行成立 guilty on all counts
并给我的当事人 饕餮羊 and give my client, Gobbler the goat,
它应得的正义 the justice she so rightly deserves.
陈述完毕 I rest my case.
被告律师 请发表你的结案陈词 Defense, your closing statement.
真相 正义 Truth...justice --
这些都是我几乎不再相信的概念 These are all concepts I almost stopped believing in.
但之后我发现 有时正义需要一个新真相 But then I realized, sometimes justice needs a new truth.
带着这个想法 And with that in mind,
我父亲对所有罪行供认不讳 my father pleads guilty to all crimes!
肃静 Order!
终于决定放弃了 是吧 Oh, finally decided to give up, huh?
鉴于被告认罪 本法庭判决被告 Per this change of plea, the court finds the defendant --
只有一件事 法官阁下 Just one more thing, Your Honor.
我们都同意山羊完全有权 We all agree the goat has the full legal right
吃掉我父亲 to eat my father.
但问题来了 But here's the rub.
一个人如何能够合法地被喂食于山羊 How can a man legally be fed to a goat
当这只羊同时还是他的妻子 when that goat is also... his wife?
请解释 被告律师 Explain yourself, counselor.
《劳什子德蒂尔法》14章221条 Chapter 14, article 221 "Lower Murkford Law"
上面写着"妻子不能吃丈夫" states that, "No wife may eat her husband,"
然而没有法律规定男人不能娶山羊 but there's no law that says a man can't marry a goat.
我懂了 那这个婚姻是否得到了 I see. And has this marriage been authorized
皇家代表的授权呢 by a royal representative?
得到了 我授权的 It has. By me.
鉴于饕餮羊是皇家财产 Seeing as Gobbler is royal property,
当铲屎官先生请求娶它为妻时 when Mr. Shitshoveler asked for her hand in marriage,
我欣然地祝福了他们 I eagerly gave my blessing.
不知道它怎么就看上了我这个迟暮老人 不过 I don't know what she sees in this melted Popsicle, but, hey,
我也不会劝它放弃 I'm not gonna talk her out of it.
反对 这太荒唐了 Objection! This is insane.
人不能娶山羊 A-A-A man can't marry a goat!
好吧 这听上去像是典型的反羊偏见啊 Okay, that sounds like some classic anti-goat bias to me.
羊 羊 Goats. Goats.
秩序 Order!
在看过了证物后 After reviewing the exhibits
我认定艾迪和饕餮 and determining that Eddie and Gobbler
显然是深爱对方的 clearly love each other very much,
铲屎官夫妇 Mr. And Mrs. Shitshoveler...
你们可以走了 you are free to go.
干得漂亮 亲爱的 Great job, sweetie.
-我为你骄傲 -谢谢 爸 - I'm proud of you. - Thanks, Dad.
好了 拿上包 亲爱的 我们回家 Alright, get your purse, dear. We're going home.
说真的 谢谢你 For real, thank you.
没有你我肯定做不到 I-I couldn't have done it without you.
不客气 小亚 我在想... You're welcome. Al, I was wondering,
不知道你愿不愿意... would you ever want to hang...?
父王 Hello, Father.
刚有人跟我报告 说你帮助一个农民 I've just been informed that you aided a peasant
在法庭上令王室蒙了羞 in humiliating the Crown in court.
是的 我能看出来您有多生气 Yes, and I can see how that might be a trigger for you,
但我还是你儿子 but I'm still your son.
您觉得 我们摒弃前嫌继续将就如何 What do you say we just move past this and continue to heal?
我觉得 这就是当你出生时 I say that this is the reason I cursed God
我诅咒了上帝的原因 the moment you were born.
当我看到你那软弱的一团 When I saw your soft, weak mass
从你母亲的子宫里被排出来 expelled from your mother's womb,
我就知道我的王国完蛋了 I knew my kingdom was doomed!
你烂透了 You suck.
-查斯利 我很遗憾 -没事的 我习惯了 - Chauncley, I'm sorry. - It's fine. I'm used to it.
有话要说吗 Yes?
我把你的书带回来了 I brought your books back.
我不想从前面过来 I didn't want to go through the front
因为你父王正在前厅把一个人掐死 'cause your dad was strangling someone in the foyer.
唉 今天已经是第二个了 Yikes. That's two in a day.
至少他今晚能睡个好觉了 Well, at least he'll sleep well tonight.
其实你不用大老远过来的 You didn't have to come all this way, by the way.
你真是太好了 That's very kind of you.
我很抱歉你因为帮了我而惹上麻烦 I'm sorry you got in trouble for helping me.
很值得 It was worth it.
你吃晚饭了吗 Have you eaten dinner?
其实 还没有 You know, I-I haven't.
太好了 Great.
先生 非常感谢你邀请我 这真是太棒了 Sir, thank you so much for having me. This is wonderful.
这是我们的荣幸 Oh, it's our pleasure.
抱歉蔬菜有点被啃了 Sorry the vegetables are a little bit eaten.
证物
不会 我完全没发现 No, I-I hadn't even noticed.
我们该做个饭前祷告 We should say grace.
毕竟我们最近都被保佑了 After all, we've had it pretty good lately.
爸 最近明明很糟透了 Dad, things have been going horribly.
羊啃了你的花园 你还差点被杀了 The goat ate your garden, and then you were almost killed.
亲爱的 别这么夸张 Oh, honey, don't be dramatic.
手 Hands.
亲爱的主 谢谢您赐我们优待 Dear Lord, thank you for the privilege
能跟家人和新朋友一起吃上这美妙的一餐 of eating this great meal with family and new friends.
阿门 Amen.
-阿门 -阿门 - Amen. - Amen.
宝贝 把水递给我好吗 Hey, babe, can you grab me a water?
没关系 不用了 That's okay. Don't worry about it.
妻子快乐则生活快乐 Happy wife, happy life.